How to get some help if you or someone you care about is being systematically abused
ISAJO cannot help immediately – but you can!
ISAJO is a research and advocacy organisation. Our role is to collect reports and conduct research to help stop abuse, and make it harder to abuse people, on a global and systems level. We cannot intervene directly, but your report helps us build knowledge to protect others in the future.
We are not an emergency service, and we cannot provide individual rescue or legal intervention. Luckily, there are many other organisations that can support you as a family, or an individual.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact local emergency services right away if it is safe to do so!
If it’s happening to someone you care about
– Listen without judgment.
– Do not pressure the, leaving an abusive group can be risky and must happen at their pace.
– Help them make a plan for safety (where to go, who to call, what to take).
– Try to reach out to others, who have lost family members or friends to the same organisation – together you can support each other. ISAJO hopes to be able to help more of you supporters to connect with each other. Together we are stronger!
– Ask trustworthy government and authorities for help, and be persistent.
– Take care of yourself. Do things that make you happy. Make sure to eat, sleep, and connect with friends and family who are supportive and understanding. You need to stay strong for them.
– Know that many people around the world have escaped or recovered from systematic abuse, and there is hope.
Consider volunteering for ISAJO or donating to help breaking cycles of systematic abuse, and making it harder for them to occur.
If it’s happening to you
If you are not in immediate danger, here are some steps you might consider:
1. Talk to someone you trust
A close friend, family member, or neighbour can be a first source of support.
Choose someone outside the group who will respect your privacy, and can give you a different perspective.
2. Write down what is happening
Keep a private record (dates, names, events).
Store it somewhere safe, or share it with someone outside the group – and/or report it to ISAJO. If you provide an email, we hope to soon be able to collect data, and then give you back all the data you reported to us, after verifying that it is you.
3. Protect your safety online
Use a private or borrowed device if you fear your phone/computer is monitored.
Clear browsing history after visiting sensitive websites.
Consider using secure messaging apps with disappearing messages.
4. Be stronger and smarter
There are certain methods many abusers use, and you can learn to spot the patterns.
Stress: lack of sleep, food, rest, some social situations, criticism and fear makes you stressed and drains your mental and physical energy. Try to spot those instances, and preserve your energy as much as possible.
Listen to your gut: if something doesn’t feel right, or goes against your instincts or common sense, it probably is wrong. If you are told things that are incorrect, like that God will punish you or your loved ones, consider for yourself – is that reasonable? -has it ever happened? You don’t have to question it out loud, but you can make notes in your own mind.
Rewards: which rewards are given, for what, and by whom? All humans have reward systems which can easily get us addicted to food, drugs, praise, sex and many other things. The more random and rare rewards are given, the more we crave them.
5. Look for local resources
There may be community-based organisations, or NGOs that can help.
People who have left before you may also be able to help, because they know what you are going through.
Several organisations have turned the pattern from systematic abuse towards being supportive and kind.
6. Professional help where available
If safe and affordable, mental health or legal advice can help you recover.
If this is not possible, consider self-help resources online, or survivor-led communities that share coping strategies.
Different part of government, such as social services or police may be able to help.
7. Small steps are still progress
Even talking once to someone inside the group may be enlightening; they may also be abused in different ways.
Even questioning or changing how things work within the group can give a little bit of respite.
It may be much easier than you think to leave, and to live a happy and fulfilling life on the outside. Many people before you have taken action to improve their situation, and inspired others to do the same.